I LOVE reading! And I LOVE learning. I love learning about things that help us live our lives to the fullest and reach our best potential. I have read numerous books on psychology, fitness, nutrition, meditation, mindfulness, and motivation and I’ve loved them all! I have SO MUCH knowledge now! I must be the happiest, fittest, strongest person there is now, right? Well… wrong.
While I have made giant strides in forgiving myself for my imperfections, and have, indeed, accepted my inevitable flaws as a human being, I do still have work to do.
As I’ve mentioned in my first blog post, I have a bad habit of letting my self care go by the wayside when life gets busy. I stay up late to catch up on the things I like to do, and then I sleep in and end up rushing in the morning. I then go on to skip my workouts because I feel guilty for working late, and then I polish the day off with a delicious big meal, and dessert, and maybe a drink to make myself feel better after a hectic day.
This scenario has been playing itself out more often than not and it’s started taking its toll on my body.
The aftermath of self-indulgent behaviour
I have gained 30 pounds over the last two years and went up several dress sizes. This in itself is neither good nor bad, it’s just a fact. An indulgent lifestyle I’ve been living will result in the described changes to one’s body. That’s a fact. We can like it or not like it, but that’s just the way it is. As far as my overall health goes, I am still just as healthy as I was 2 years ago. My blood pressure and other tests have been holding steady through the years.
I still like what I see in the mirror, because it’s ME I’m looking at and I haven’t changed. I am still the same person that loves to have fun and is loved by many people.
Having said that, while the weight gain itself doesn’t bother on its own, the loss of abilities I used to take for granted bothers me a lot!
My body feels stiff and sore when I wake up in the morning and I get winded walking up two flights of stairs. My squat weight went down to 80lb from 110 and 95lb deadlifts from 135. I was so proud of myself when I was deadlifting with the “big wheels!”. I have lost my one and only chin-up and about 15 pushups. My wrists scream when I try to practice hand stands and my shoulder complains pretty much all the time. This BOTHERS me. The loss of abilities bothers me!
Looking for the way out
It is important to me to feel strong, limber, and energetic! It is important to me to be able to practice hand stands without pain. It is important to me to be at the gym 3 times a week. It is important to me to have the energy to be active on the weekends. It is important to me to WANT to exercise, to CRAVE it. I WANT it, ALL of it.
So how do I get there? How do I get to the point where my body feels powerful and I feel confident that I am taking good care of myself?
I’ve done it before. I’ve followed workout and nutrition regimens, I’ve worked out, I ate good foods, I’ve taken my supplements and I’ve reached the results I wanted. I wasn’t super lean, and that was never my intention. I was just happy with my level of strength, my level of leanness, my size, my abilities, the joy I experienced from working out, the ease in all my movements.
If I’d been successful on my own before, why can’t I do the same thing again and be successful again? I don’t know. Something has changed. Something I cannot put my finger on. I’ve tried to figure it out and I can’t. Not at this time, anyway. Somehow, when it comes to applying all that knowledge that I referred to in the beginning of this post and actually doing the things I need to do, I freeze up. I follow my own advice for 1-2 weeks and then I fall back into the old patterns of behaviour and self-indulgence.
This time around is the hardest I’ve ever had to work to break my bad habits and I am experiencing the most resistance from myself. I’m not sure what the root of this resistance is. It seems to feel different from day to day. Some days I find the goal too big and too overwhelming. I remember how much work I had to do last time and it scares me. I think “what’s the use?”. Some days even a single workout feels daunting, “it’s just too much work!”. The thought of eating less food or reducing sweets sends me into a tailspin of “I’ll eat whatever I damn please” and “I feel so deprived!”, and “I don’t want to be hungry” panic. I feel stuck. I feel like I’m getting in my own way. It’s like I want it and don’t want it at the same time. How crazy is that? I feel so confused, my head is spinning! What do I do?!
Reaching out for help – Precision Nutrition Coaching program
I’ve thought about it long and hard. And I decided to do the next best thing to going it on my own, to reach out for help! I have had my eye on Precision Nutrition coaching for several years now and have been admiring what they do all these years. More important than what they do is how they do it. They help regular people like you and me develop healthy habits that will support their own goals of self-care through coaching, support and mentorship. I won’t go into any more details here, you can read about them on their website. I’ll just say that they come highly recommended by many coaches in the industry, coaches I’ve been learning from and whom I trust. This year I decided I’m going to become one of Precision Nutrition’s clients and have signed up for a year long “Coaching for Women” program.
I realized that I needed help in converting all the knowledge I have accumulated over the years into ACTIONS. If I DO what I know I need to do, I WILL be successful in reaching my personal health goals. And since I have been having difficulty taking those necessary steps, I have enlisted professionals in the field to help me make the necessary steps and will continue going forward with their assistance. I am confident that following the program, having someone else make decisions for me, being accountable to someone else, will give me the structure that I need to develop habits that will sustain my efforts in the long run.
Like I have mentioned previously, this is a year long adventure and I will be journaling about it throughout. I will be documenting my progress and writing about my experience weekly.
If you are looking for help with motivation, subscribe to my blog and join me on the journey through Precision Nutrition’s coaching program. I will share my struggles, successes and insights and you can follow along and benefit from my experience.
Coming up next is Week 1 recap of PN Coaching for Women Program. Stay tuned!